If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
