i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
