oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
