successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
