Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
