I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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