so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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