u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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