i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
