i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
