sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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