I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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