i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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