i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
