Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
