Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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