Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
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