I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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