so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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