I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
