I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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