we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
