I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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