I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
