sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
