your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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