i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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