I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
