girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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