do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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