What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i've created a new STD.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
