can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
