Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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