so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
