You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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