How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
