I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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