I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
