he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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