I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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