she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize