i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
