you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
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I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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