someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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