I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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