Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
