well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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