so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
