If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
