Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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