The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
