I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
