call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
