just come out here and I will go home with you...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
