He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh god it's open bar.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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