Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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