there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
