i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
