in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
