I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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