a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
