She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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