Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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